Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Cleansing, Renewal and Happiness.

I am happy. For the first time in a very long time (probably as long as I can remember) I am completely happy with where I am in life and do not feel that urge to search for something more or change something. For as long as I can remember I have longed for something (new place to live, new job, more friends, more money, better material items, a guy), and I can 100% say that I am happy and content. That's not to say that I have reached all of my goals and am ready to call it quits BUT I have accepted where I am in life, who I am in this world and am beyond happy with what I am doing and the decisions I have made. That, my friends, is an amazing feeling :) I think what is even more amazing is to feel this way literally every day. To feel like this day was better than yesterday, and to know that tomorrow has the potential to be even better than today!

On a different note, last week I attended a suicide and methamphetamine prevention conference for Native Americans (focused on youth) and I have to say it taught me a lot and reaffirmed the feelings I've felt and decisions I've made regarding sobriety. Regardless of the substance, the abuse of anything (drugs or alcohol) is life altering and to hear children speak about how they've seen their friends and families crumble because of it was incredibly sad. On the other hand, the awareness that those experiences had given the children was better than any education campaign could ever provide. There was one topic that really stuck with me: water. For Natives, water is used in many ceremonies and is a sign of cleansing and renewal. It is used to wash away the bad and allows for a fresh start. I have always been attached to the water and have always felt a sense of peace when I am around it, that's why running/biking along the water is my favorite thing to do. So when the Native speaker was talking about how she used water to wash away the depression she felt and the hardships of drugs and start anew, it really resonated with me. I feel as though maybe deep down that is why I love the water. It is peaceful and cleansing and through everything I have endured, maybe I feel like being around it gives me a chance to start other, to feel refreshed and pure. Water can seem embracing when you are in it, sort of comforting (in relation to being in utero), and also a release for all of your baggage to be washed away in. My advice, if you are struggling with something, guilt or baggage or hardship, go to water, place all of those feelings on a rock (or another object) and throw it in the water. Allow all of those negative feelings to wash away and allow yourself to be cleansed :)

And on another note (so many random thoughts today!), I love the anti-drug commercial where the kids are puppets and they ask if you aren't in control of yourself then who is? Some could say that another part of you is in control (maybe your subconscious), but personally for some of the stupid things I have done while wasted, I'd be embarrassed to say that any part of me was in control of those actions. So if you don't think that YOU would have done what you did drunk, then who is in control of you? And if you would never want anyone else to control your life, then why would you allow a substance to do it? Why is that okay?

And for my last and final note...sober dating (I said I'd keep ya updated!). It's wonderful. Ladies, shockingly enough real men still exist that take girls on dates and do wonderful things (and I have been lucky enough to find one..and if writing that in a blog just jinxed it then I will quit my amateur writing career). And I think the sobriety aspect is nice because it allows you to grow naturally and feel those feelings that may be masked by alcohol. Maybe we are supposed to feel anxious and nervous on a first date, and maybe the butterflies are good...instead of having a drink to calm the nerves, maybe having those feelings and fumbling through decisions on whether to touch or kiss as opposed to going on instinct cause you are drunk, is a way better idea. Feeling feelings is definitely worth it. Oh and not drinking makes you quite the cheaper date and leaves more room for ordering dessert and appetizers :). And like always, I am not preaching or judging, I am just telling you how life in this different world is working out and hopefully giving some confidence to those who like to take the edge off of dating.

Okay I guess I will get back to work.


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