Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Too Many Calendars!

Well I had my first baby breakdown...and yes, I have only had 1 class so far...and no, I don't even have any work due this week...so yes, I understand why this is a tad ridiculous and a terrible indication of what is to come. BUT, it was over calendars (sort of...among other things).

You see I am a creature of habit. While I may go back and forth between my apartment and my boyfriends, which creates a somewhat chaotic schedule, I always pack the same items and come on the same days and maintain the same general schedule at both "homes". So now that I have a new schedule (some days open during the day with class in the evening, some days working in the office for 10 hours, and some days a combination of both), I immediately felt anxious and stressed about not knowing my schedule for the week. Which days are best to stay at my boyfriends? Which workouts should I do based on scheduling and the closest gym? Which books and computer will I need? Luckily, after a week or two of classes/work and other activities, I should be able to loosely maintain a regular schedule.

Along the same lines as being a scheduled and habitual person...I was overwhelmed yesterday about which calendar to use for my assignments. Do I use a hard copy agenda book like in college? Do I use my iCal and list the homework assignments as "Reminders" or as events on the due date? Do I include my work tasks in my "Reminders". Again...I like habit and structure and having 85 calendars does not make this easy! Plus, I am weird and really like physically crossing things off of a to-do list. For now, I think I am going to go with iCal as reminders because that is backed up on my phone and the internet so I can access it anywhere.

You may be thinking that these are ridiculous things to have a breakdown over...and they are. But I think that I felt like I should be doing something, I FEEL like I SHOULD be overwhelmed, so I created chaos and stress where there really wasn't any. Healthy, right?? What I should have been doing was ENJOYING the lack of tasks because that will change soon!

And, in Erica fashion, I manifest my stress and perceived life chaos in my eating/exercising issues. So because I could not solve my scheduling and calendar woes yesterday, I decided to stress over feeling fat and if I had worked out enough that day. On the plus side (the only plus, really), I realize that I manifest my stress this way so I know that these aren't actual issues and am able to push them aside and acknowledge that they are just ways for me to avoid what is really bothering me and to control something when I feel somewhat out of control.

So my friends...that was my first emotional struggle. I am guessing this also had to do with hormones but I won't get into those details as I may have a few male readers out there who will be disturbed...and that may further the claims of women being totally irrational because of hormones. Luckily I have a good support network and was able to shed some cathartic tears and move on in life. Today I feel stronger and organized...and EXCITED for class!! But I wanted to share this story with you because I don't want to give off the impression that my life is perfect...this blog is about the good and the bad and all that is in between...but most importantly this blog is about learning from life and changing as I go.