Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Danced with the Devil....

....and won!

So recently I have become relatively bitter about not drinking. Which is frustrating because I personally am completely happy with my sober life and the person that I have become, BUT I am frustrated that is the center of all social things for everyone. So I started debating on the potential for me to reintroduce alcohol back into my life....well knowing that this could be a very risky decision. And this wasn't even because of my friends drinking on the weekends, it was because I realized how EVERYONE talks about drinking....after work and during work people talk about happy hours and needing a drink, after the freaking half marathon the announcer talked about drinking a cold Michelob Ultra. It is everywhere. So while I was out to dinner I had maybe a quarter of a champagne glass of champagne. First of all, I was immediately buzzed. To the point where I felt very weird because I am not used to that feeling anymore. And then I felt like I was already beginning to slur my words and started to become self conscious. And then (the most miraculous feeling...) I did not like it at all! I started to feel out of control and I started to see myself as the drunk Erica. And I quickly thought about how far I've come and how proud everyone was of me, and how happy I was about being sober and in control of my actions (and how awesomely in shape I am! well minus being sick)...and I didn't even want to finish the drink. As much as this may seem like a "failure" because in the midst of my proclaimed sobriety, I drank...I actually think it was huge for me because I realized that my feelings were correct. I wasn't missing out on anything and I didn't enjoy it anymore. And now I am confident that when I am with my friends, that jealous filling that I may have will be countered by knowing that I no longer appreciate alcohol anymore. I do think that maybe one day I will have a glass of wine with dinner...but a huge thing I need to realize is my size. I would probably black out after a glass of wine and that's not who I am anymore.

So in the end...I tempted myself, I was overtaken by temptation and wonder, and realized that I have made the right decision with my life. :) Cheers...with sparkling cider :)

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Shamrockfest Sober?

Hey friends,

So thus far I have endured you basic social scenes that may involve drinking: happy hours, bars at night, dinner parties, and a bachelorette party. But I have yet to attend an event that is essentially primarily based on hardcore drinking...an event that I would (before) only consider attending hammered. So I bought a ticket for Shamrockfest. Shamrockfest is a mecca for drinking...and I feel that this will be an ultimate test for Erica vs. Alcohol....in the gauntlet. If I can survive 9 hours of everyone boozing hard and me trying to maintain sanity and have a good time, then I guess the next true test will be my bachelorette party or wedding, which are far far down the road. I have a good feeling about this though!

Recently I haven't really been jealous of people drinking or felt left out that I wasn't drinking. For instance, the other night I was at a friends house and they were drinking beers but we were basically all just hanging out. Now, Old Me would have been pressed to take shots and up the level of drinking with the purpose of most certainly going to the bars. And if we didn't end up going out, Old Me would have been upset that I wasted the calories of beer on a beat night. BUT, New Me found a good time in hanging out with friends...something that I think I had lost the appreciation for before. So at the end of the night, I was glad we didn't go out, I had a good time just chillin and not spending money, and I woke up the next day not hungover.

Unfortunately I have basically been sick ever since I quit drinking (coincidence??) so I haven't really been able to notice the "health" benefits or anything from staying sober. But friends did comment that my improved 5k time was probably because I was healthier (and maybe because I weigh less). But once I am not sick anymore, I am really looking forward to just feeling better in general.

I am still struggling to figure out what I like to do though...? I like music but I can't afford to go to concerts all the time, I like hiking and walking along the water but it's too cold, and I used to like just drinking and being silly...now I need to find that silly part of me and bring it out in sober Erica. Hmm...