Friday, February 26, 2010

Just because I have a headache, doesn't mean the rest of the world needs to take an Advil.

Those are the insightful words of my Uncle, who also dealt with a drinking "issue" (I don't like to use the word problem...seems too negative) And the best advice he gave me (which I know I am struggling with) is to understand that just because I am quitting drinking, doesn't mean everyone else has to. So I just wanted to apologize if anyone felt as though I was preaching to them or looking down on them for drinking. The reason that I talk about the perks so much is that I am really happy on the outcome it has had on my life...but I am still a tad jealous of everyone enjoying their yummy cocktails, so reminding myself of the perks helps me to stay on track. And please feel free to still invite me to drinking events or talk about your crazy nights with me...I won't be upset and I'll probably still come (and just leave when you annoy the shit out of me...kidding, kind of).

When I went home the other weekend my mom told me that during the snow storm all her and my dad did was drink and eat (so obviously no sex, they don't do that...). And she said the kitchen table was covered in liquor bottles. And I thought about how it would be when I am grown with a family. I mean you shouldn't get hammered when you have kids, but I always pictured myself going out with my husband and friends and having a good time. And I know I can still do that but I am just worried of what other people will think or how they will feel around me. Will everyone walk on egg shells? What will I do at my wedding? Everyone else (including my husband) will be hammered...and will do a champagne toast, and I'll have sparkling cider? And I hope that no one ever refers to me as a "recovering alcoholic" or something when random people inquire as to why I am not drinking. I would prefer to just label myself as someone who decided to lay off the booze. I don't know. None of this really bothers me, as far as me still having fun and enjoying myself...but I guess its just that its so ingrained in our culture that I am worried that no one will have fun..I mean I don't think I'd have a dry wedding because my husband and my friends would kill me...haha.

Thanks for all the support :)


Saturday, February 20, 2010

Where Can We Meet Up?

Hey friends,

So I realized how much of a staple alcohol and bars are in our darling society. I was thinking about catching up with some friends recently and realized that the most common way to do that is to suggest "meeting up for a drink" or doing happy hour. So I was trying to think of other things to do and for some reason it seems normal to me to just hang out or get coffee with a girl, but doing that with a boy seems odd, haha. Then I figured I could always suggest going to get a drink and then just get a soda, but would the other person feel odd? Like so why did you bring me to a bar if you are just getting soda? Is the only reason to go to bars to get drunk? Food for thought. And if you have any suggestions for "meeting up plans", let me know!

Another thing I realized is how my anxiety has decreased. I am not sure if anyone can relate, but since every time I drank I did something stupid (e.g. peed on furniture, ran away, got in a fight, cried, hooked up with someone I shouldn't have), I ended up spending a lot of my weekdays apologizing to people and worrying that they were mad at me. Obviously your friends are going to say its okay, but I knew deep down they were mad and that bothered me. But now I don't have to worry about that!!

And my last realization for today is my change of thought process when I am making plans or figuring out living situations, etc. Before I wanted to make sure that I lived somewhere that cabs were near and that I could walk even walk home from the bars to. Before when I made plans I took into consideration how hungover I could potentially be that day. So I would never commit to do anything Saturday mornings. I would also plan my work schedule on being if there was football or something, I would need to take off that Monday because clearly I am going to get so hammered that I probably can't go to work. And as for living...when I was looking for places to live before, I checked to make sure they didn't have nice furniture and they were hard drinkers. And I got very anxious and paranoid when I looked at places that had nice sofas...because who knows, I could end up on the couch and pee and then my random roommate that I am trying to get to like me now hates me. BUT since I don't have to worry of the aftermath of my drinking anymore, I can make plans that I can stick to, I can go to work and be functional and still go out on Sundays or weekdays, I can pick places to live without worrying that I will ruin their couch with pee or puke.

It is a very nice and relaxing feeling. It is nice to know that now I am in control of my actions and I don't have to worry about what I will do when I am "drunk erica".

**Side note- I have lost weight since I stopped drinking just naturally, and I would appreciate if people would stop commenting in a disgusted manner. I am sorry if you think I look tiny but since I am eating normally and working out not excessively, I believe this is how my body is meant to look. Be nice :) Thanks!