Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Kate Gosselin Sucks at Life

So this is totally unrelated to my life but I needed to preach to someone about how much of an AWFUL person Kate Gosselin is. I watched her bullshit interview on the Today show and then just read this article:

I am speechless. I cannot believe that she is trying to claim that she has "no other option" then to take on a reality show and be on Dancing With the Stars in order to provide for her children. Okay, I feel like I heard they lost a lot of money but still, I am sure she has MORE than enough money from her first damn reality show and I am sure her kids get plenty of free shit all the time. And I feel like that is giant slap in the face to mothers of large families. Like, okay Ladies...the only way you can provide for those kids to the level that I do, is to become super famous and be on TV ALL THE TIME, and write a book about your life because it is SO INTERESTING. Because clearly the best way to raise children is to make their entire life revolve around YOU. Look Kate, I am so sorry that you missed out on your 20's when life IS supposed to revolve around you and you can spend all your income on you and you can work to make the world love you...BUT you decided to have a truck load of kids...that equals you lost time for you.

I don't know if anyone else saw her on the Today show but honestly she had this pathetic sad look on her face and in desperation was like "its my only option" to be on all these shows for my kids. I am sorry but the only person thats buying your self righteous bullshit is OctoMom.

THEN she tried to compare nursing to traveling across the nation to be on a TV show. Okay so working 12 hour shifts in the same city as your children and still being able to see them on a daily basis, is the same as leaving them to fly across the US to dance with other Z list celebrities? WOW.

John needs the kids. Yes maybe he was screwing around with some trampy 20 year olds, BUT if he's getting laid he's probably happier and the kids can benefit from that. Ew I can just picture what a morning at the Gosselins house of Queen Kate is like! The kids wake up and want Mommy to help them brush their teeth and she is like NO kids, Mommy needs her beauty sleep because she is going to be on TV and if Mommy isn't on TV than you guys will have no food on the table and then Mommy needs to put on four lbs of make up and fix my hair extensions, now go ask Nanny to help you get ready and handle your entire life...actually I need Nanny too, how about you raise each other? It will help you grow...I am just trying to teach you life lessons...

Ohhhh Kate. Kids are screwed up enough as is...your poor poor children.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Everything happens for a reason?

I just wanted to thank everyone who has sent me messages of support. It really means a lot. Change is never easy but being complacent in your life is. I was driving and "Why Georgia?" came on, and I've always loved the line "still everything happens for a reason is no reason not to ask yourself if you are living it right". And I think that is very true. When I started drinking and started doing stupid stuff and hooking up with guys, I would always tell myself that everything happens for a reason and that helped me cope with the guilt and shame and assume that someday it will all make sense. Now, I guess it did in the long run but I don't think it should have necessarily taken me this long to get here.

To be honest, I stopped drinking for my boyfriend. And had he dumped me the week after I promised to stop drinking, I would have said F it and drank again. BUT, he didn't and slowly I made myself a sober life and once I realized the personal benefits that it had then I made the decision "my own". But it is hard to change anything. And what's interesting is that it is even harder to change something for your own personal well being (which one would think would be the best reason to do it), but its easy to accept you who are and rationalize that lifestyle and your actions. And I will say in many respects you should be true to yourself and people should love you for you, but there are many times when some self-reflection and change wouldn't hurt. But maybe that is why we have so many people in our provide us with direction...and to allow us to see the results of our actions. So my thought is...don't accept your life if you aren't really happy because a change may help you to find a side of you that was lost or never discovered and you will be happier than you ever were before.

Also, this is one of my lovely matras= Be Stronger than your Excuses. Yes, this is from a billboard in Bmore for MAC gym but I think it's awesome. It is SO easy to make excuses: why you can't go to the gym, why you can't go to the store to get healthy foods and have to buy fast food, why you have to go out partying because everyone else is. And you can let the excuse win. But there is a real sense of accomplishment in having a couple of excuses in mind, and then saying No Mr. Excuse, Go F Yourself, and then doing what you know deep down you should. And the result afterwards, the sense of accomplishment that you were about to bail but you didn' awesome. I believe there is always a reason for why we do things...maybe be our parents upbringing, our friends, society, the weather, blah blah...but there is never an excuse.

(I apologize this one wasn't very funny haha...I'll try to make the next one better)


~Thanks again~

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Taking Life for Granted

Well I finally had a sober Easter. Unfortunately, my grandparents have passed and my brothers couldn't make it home, so it was just me and my parents. Now, had I been a well controlled drinker the past couple of years, maybe I could have enjoyed the family time going to church and having breakfast together on Easter but NOPE. Two years ago I got hammered the night before Easter, came home and ate hummus and threw it up all over my room. The next morning I hid and had my brother tell my mom I was too sick to attend church and then threw out my pillows and cleaned my room when they left. And last Easter I decided to drive home from Bmore the night before while drunk and hit a mailbox. So the next morning I again, hid in my room and waited for my mom to notice the damage and then I tried to convince her that it got hit my a random driver in Baltimore, and I had to run down the street and hide the damage. Now how awful is that? If you really think about it. Granted these are funny stories, and at the time it doesn't seem important. But looking back, those could have been memories and quality time spent with my family that no longer exists in the same way, but instead it was a drunken debauchery of bad memories and no memory at all.

Although it is better late than never!

Also...the other night I was out being sober awesome me, my friends told me that they hoped (their dream for me) was that some day I could have a drink with them. Now while I guess that it is a nice thought...I guess they are hoping that some day I can control my drinking problems (seeing their comment as half full right now). But in reality, it sort of seemed like they were hoping that some day I could join the rest of the group again...some day I could be normal and have a beer. And that is really the main thought I am trying to steer away from. I don't want to feel like an outsider...I don't want to feel like people are judging me for not drinking. I am not sure if everyone understands what I am going for here and how I feel about the situation. Maybe before I was looking to control my drinking because I was a bad drunk. But now I have seen the benefits of not drinking and I am HAPPY and I don't want to drink again. Its not important to me anymore. I don't go out and long for the day when I can sip another nasty Miller Lite. I go out and long for the day when drinking is the center of everyone's life and when people stop worrying about me. And here is my little soap box for this issue...if it bothers you that I am not drinking, then please don't hang out with me. If you think I am boring or unentertaining sober and you miss "drunk Erica" then please don't hang out with me. I am very happy with my life right now and I really just hope that everyone can realize that.

I don't think anyone can realize what I was going through until you experience it. It is a very draining life to make mistakes Thursday-Sunday, apologize for them Monday-Wednesday and then do them all over again. And constantly be worried that someone is mad at you or doesn't want you around or doesn't want to babysit you. I don't have to deal with that anymore! I don't have that huge burden and I don't have to be paranoid about restraining myself from getting just isn't an issue!

And as always, I am totally not trying to insult everyone that drinks and think that I am some superior sober God. It's awesome that everyone can relax and have a good time. That's just not me. And it took me being sober to realize what I have been making excuses for for the past 10 years.

This is in college I used to have the following excuses:
- Blacking out= i had a bad memory and I started taking Ginkoba
- Peeing the bed= I had a weak bladder and suffered from incontinence. I actually debated asking a doctor about it but figured they would tell me to stop drinking...

And everything else I just blamed on the alcohol.

As always, thanks for all of the support :) Maybe someday I'll enjoy a glass of wine, but if I never do, I hope that's okay with you :)