Danced with the Devil....

....and won!

So recently I have become relatively bitter about not drinking. Which is frustrating because I personally am completely happy with my sober life and the person that I have become, BUT I am frustrated that is the center of all social things for everyone. So I started debating on the potential for me to reintroduce alcohol back into my life....well knowing that this could be a very risky decision. And this wasn't even because of my friends drinking on the weekends, it was because I realized how EVERYONE talks about drinking....after work and during work people talk about happy hours and needing a drink, after the freaking half marathon the announcer talked about drinking a cold Michelob Ultra. It is everywhere. So while I was out to dinner I had maybe a quarter of a champagne glass of champagne. First of all, I was immediately buzzed. To the point where I felt very weird because I am not used to that feeling anymore. And then I felt like I was already beginning to slur my words and started to become self conscious. And then (the most miraculous feeling...) I did not like it at all! I started to feel out of control and I started to see myself as the drunk Erica. And I quickly thought about how far I've come and how proud everyone was of me, and how happy I was about being sober and in control of my actions (and how awesomely in shape I am! well minus being sick)...and I didn't even want to finish the drink. As much as this may seem like a "failure" because in the midst of my proclaimed sobriety, I drank...I actually think it was huge for me because I realized that my feelings were correct. I wasn't missing out on anything and I didn't enjoy it anymore. And now I am confident that when I am with my friends, that jealous filling that I may have will be countered by knowing that I no longer appreciate alcohol anymore. I do think that maybe one day I will have a glass of wine with dinner...but a huge thing I need to realize is my size. I would probably black out after a glass of wine and that's not who I am anymore.

So in the end...I tempted myself, I was overtaken by temptation and wonder, and realized that I have made the right decision with my life. :) Cheers...with sparkling cider :)