Monday, September 13, 2010

9 month anniversary with myself

Happy Anniversary to me :) And I would say it's an anniversary of me and myself, because nine months ago today I reunited with the real Erica, and her and I have had quite the wonderful relationship ever since. So I said on my 8 month blog that I would use the anniversary as a time to reflect (as opposed to treating myself to something since I am not exactly rolling in the dough). So here we go...

It has been nine months since I decided to quit drinking. It has been hard, rewarding, difficult, cost me friends, caused tears and embarrassment, but all in all has made me a stronger person and I am still 110% committed to my decision. I still think that a lot of people think it is a phase and maybe I give that impression as to not be even more of an outcast then I already am...but to be honest, nothing is certain. For right now, for where I am in my life and what my goals are and how I feel about myself, my decision is perfect and it makes me very happy. And I honestly do not expect anyone to understand where this decision has come from or why I am so serious about it. Maybe my thought process is the same as with the abuse in that I don't think people will understand because my problems with alcohol were not ones of a severe alcoholic....but let me tell you, even if I wasn't waking up every morning with the desire to drink or hiding alcohol around the house, or being controlled my the substance all of the inability to handle myself and drink responsibly is severe enough. Maybe hitting absolute rock bottom isn't the only justification for rash change. Well, nevertheless, I am still very happy with my decision and am continuing to learn things about myself each day, continuing to grow more confident, and continuing to find new interests and activities that don't revolve around drinking.

And I think one of the most important things I've learned (and acted on) is surrounding myself with people that don't care and that appreciate me regardless. You will always be your own worst enemy and your biggest critic, so I will probably think worse about how people view my non-drinking than how people actually do view it, BUT having friends that further those ideas makes things 500 times worse. And to make it even better, the relationships I have formed are not just "drinking buddies", they are true friends that I can go to for anything and that will enjoy sitting with me watching TV as much as they enjoy going to happy hour. And that an amazing feeling.

Fortunately I think in the past nine months, I have disproved all of the bad outcomes I predicted from not drinking...I found activities, I found a guy that likes me for me, I found friends, I don't feel left out, and I am happy.

Cheers :)


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