Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Being the better person...who benefits?

Recently I have encountered a couple of situations where I have decided to be the better person (in my eyes). The first of which I was completely bitched out in public by a friend of a friend and called a "fucking cunt". Now initially I was just in total shock and speechless...like did this really just happen at a Mother's Day event in front of children?!? Then I went through a bunch of things that I could scream back or write back in a bitchy email but decided not to stoop to her level. Then I was asked to discuss some past drama with a friend and was basically told how I had been a crap friend for the past year. And again, I decided to withhold my comments about how that person had hurt me because I didn't want this to turn into pointing fingers...but what for? I've realized that I keep holding in my feelings because I don't want to belittle someone else just to make myself feel better or to get something off my chest...I know what it feels like to have people insult you and how hurtful it can be and I don't want to do that to someone else...so I keep it in or try to say things in a respectful way. But I am a little exhausted from taking all of the abuse and all of the accusations and the name calling and the finger pointing...and keeping my opinions in because I DONT want to hurt them the way that they are hurting me.

I think they are a lot of notions to come from this. First, is it necessary to put someone down to make yourself feel better? Do you really need to get something off your chest so badly that you'd do it at the expense of another person with NO real result or resolution coming from it? Second, should I be preserving someone elses feelings when they clearly don't give a shit about mine? How beneficial is it to be the "better person" when you are the only one who thinks you are acting that way?

I guess what I am saying is before you decide to speak your mind think long and hard about what will come from it. If you have NO intention of speaking your mind for the purpose of resolving an issue, then shut up. If you are going to speak your mind when you know that you have done wrong doing as well but are not going to acknowledge that, then shut up. If you are going to speak your mind to someone that you know is already going through a lot in life and may not be able to handle another thing, then shut up. And if you are going to speak your mind PURELY to make YOURSELF feel better, then shut up.

I know I have been the better person in many situations. And at some point I am sure it will benefit me. And until then I will use my therapy sessions to talk about how everything in life is my fault. Thank you to all those that wanted to speak their mind.


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