Tuesday, April 12, 2011

1 year, 4 months, numerous dinner parties, countless social workouts later...and where am I?

...I am happy!

Hello Friends!

Well tomorrow will mark 1 year and 4 months of sobriety. Woohoo! So where am I now, you ask? Well I am sure you can tell by my recent blogs that over the course of this journey I have had ups and downs but am VERY happy at the moment. While I still think about drinking, debate on drinking, and assess drinking...it isn't nearly as awkward or anxiety enducing as it was before. I have become comfortable and confident in my own skin, and that, my friends, was the goal!

I have noticed a sort of weird thing that has happened to me more than once now...drunken nightmares. Basically I have had nightmares where I am drunk and doing awful things (and by awful I mean things that I used to do on a regular basis)...including ruining furniture, blacking out, hurting my friends feelings, ruining relationships, and just causing a mess in general. I wake up from these nightmares quite anxious and even more deadset on my decision to stay sober. I believe that this is a sign...it is a sign that I am not yet ready to embrace alcohol in my life (and who knows if I ever will). That even on a subconscious level, I still perceive alcohol as (to me) being very negative and ONLY bringing negative things into my life. I am sure there is some dream therapist that I can consult for a more valid explanation of these dreams but I do believe that the underlying meaning is my deep seeded anxiety towards drinking...my sense of insecurity in drinking...and my fear of losing control if I bring alcohol back into my life. Interesting, eh?

Also- over a year ago (February 2010) I wrote a blog about meeting up with friends and how I was concerned that I would lose my social network since I quit drinking. Well, guess what?? I have had NO problems keeping a social network and believe that I have actually created a stronger one!! It is amazing how many people I have found that are interested in exercising and want to bring a social aspect to it! I have planned and engaged in multiple runs, workouts, and walks with friends AND have races and more workouts coming up in the near future! During these workouts the conversation is fun, light, refreshing and real. I am SO happy that I've discovered this other avenue of being social! Also, I have hosted (with my awesome roommate) a number of dinner parties and housewarming parties that don't center on drinking at all...and are FUN! I think that is all part of growing up...but it is very refreshing to have a great dinner party with good friends and have great conversation and laughs and wake up the next morning happy :)

Anyways...480 and some odd days later and life is GOOD :). And I can honestly say that there is absolutely no way I would be where I am today had I continued on the path I was on...I would not be in the healthy, loving and amazing relationship that I am in, I would not be living in Rockville with a great friend, and I would (probably) not be going to UMD in the fall to begin my PhD program. *I am smiling right now*


PS- On Sunday I ran one of the greatest races of my life! It was a 10 miler that I was terrified about because it was my first race post injury. But I was strong and fast and felt GREAT the whole time. I honestly had a huge runners high the entire time. I can only imagine that this happiness is linked to my overall happiness :)


  1. This is Eddie on Kathy's facebk...That is really awesome. It's really cool to here that all is going great!