Thursday, June 24, 2010

Change is good...confusing and complicated...but good.

Haven't blogged in a while and I am bored as hell at work since I gave my two weeks notice, so I figured I'd write :) Things are going VERY well. I got a new job with an organization that I believe I will LOVE doing something that truly interests me. I will start that in two weeks. Next week I am heading to fabulous Vegas for a week long, much needed, vacation with the man. I will say that Vegas will probably be a pretty good test to staying sober but I am pretty confident in myself. All I ask myself is "will that make my experience better?"...and my answer is always no. I am also trying to do that with my daily life...and activities with others and I am finding out that it is kind of hard. I've realized that going from someone who was incredibly social and always planned stuff and always wanted to be out, to someone who is pretty content just relaxing has been not only a shock to my way of doing things but a shock to others. I've noticed that when I don't want to do something that others are doing, it is perceived in a way that makes it seem like I am bailing for all the wrong reasons (because I am shy, because I am depressed, because I am trying to please someone else), but really I am doing it because I honestly don't want to. For years I have done what other people wanted to...and yes I had a TON of fun doing it but in doing what everyone else enjoyed (making me pretty much enjoy everything), I lost who I was. And in an effort to find myself, I am saying no to things I genuinely will not find enjoyment in doing. Another thing I am realizing is that I have always pushed to do huge social events with tons of people and crowded bars and all...and I have realized (which may be a growing up thing) that I really just enjoy a few of my favorites and hanging out and having a lot of good laughs. It is easy to have a good time and doesn't require a lot of effort at just have to find the right people to do it with. And as we are growing older and having a thousand and one obligations it is getting harder and harder to get those groups of people together...but when you do, it is always a fabulous time. So I am quite content relaxing and enjoying me until those times come around. I think I am totally rambling whatever I am thinking at this point but hopefully it is making a little sense. I guess my point is that I am very happy right now...and it feels as though things are beginning to fall into place and my life is reaching the closest to normalcy that its been in a long time. I do think I need more sleep though. I think with the amount of exercise I do, I really need to make it a priority to sleep more. task...sleep.

I hope you are all fabulous as well and are having wonderful, hot summers.


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