Happy.

I am so happy with my life right now. I went out today and tonight and we were with people drinking the entire time and never once felt the urge to drink and quite honestly had more fun than I've had in a while. And for the first time since high school, I was myself without alcohol. I was funny and outgoing and felt totally comfortable and I didn't need anything to help me. For 10 plus years I have used alcohol to help me get friends and completely used it as my social crutch to make me feel less awkward...and once I lost that, I realized that after moving to Arlington I really made very few close friends. All of my new friends were pretty much drinking buddies. And over the past two days I have hung out with tons of my former "drinking buddies" and actually had conversations and felt like we were good friends. I can't explain how happy this makes me. I felt accepted, and appreciated and wanted for who I am. I still stayed out till 1am and had a great time and will wake up tomorrow still feeling confident about the friendships that I built tonight...not worrying if I said something stupid, or wondering what we talked about, or feeling like it'd be weird to see them again.

I am ecstatic. I can honestly say that stopping drinking was the best thing I have EVER done for myself. My entire life is more clear now. My behaviors are more clear now. My head is more clear now. And I am enjoying every second of it. Because I went out tonight, to the bars, and had a great time with other people drinking, I now have absolutely no regrets to stopping drinking. Before I was worried that I would miss out on things. And now I know that I won't...AND I will actually remember them!! AND I now don't want a touch of alcohol to ever touch my lips because I know what I can be without it and that person is much better than what I was with it.

Ahh...I am so happy. So so happy :)

XOXO