Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Decision

Hey friends,

As most of you know, I have decided to stop drinking.... indefinitely. And as a way to sort of talk about what I am going through and make it more real, I've decided to blog about it (yes...if you haven't noticed, talking is my way of coping). I'd like to preface this blog by stating that this is not meant to offend anyone who drinks or does crazy things (to be honest, I am jealous that you are able to do that), but maybe it may provide insight or inspiration for those looking to cut back.

It is funny that all of my past blogs have been about my crazy drunk stories and how I am such a trainwreck. And now, looking back on that, I've realized that I was using the blog to justify my actions. If I had a crazy story (which in the back of my mind, I knew caused problems in my life or relationships with others) that people thought was funny and enjoyed reading, then at least there was a positive to my mistakes. I have realized that there will always be an excuse. (Sorry to get academic on ya...but) There is a theory that states that you will change your way of thinking to match your actions so that the two do not conflict and you will be content. So for the past 10 years, I have been rationalizing all of my drunk actions at the expense of my family, my friends, my career and my well-being. But deep down I always knew that I couldn't keep acting like this....I have always tried to run away or talk my way out of the drunk predicaments (peeing on couches, starting fights, hooking up)...but I have finally realized that I can't and shouldn't do that anymore.

So on December 13th, I committed sobriety to myself (no one else, because I need to do this for ME). Now wasn't that a long time coming!! I am sure that couches and beds across the nation are crying tears of joy, haha. So in this blog...I will be explaining my thoughts and the benefits and downfalls to staying sober. Now since I have been sober for a month now, I have some insight already but I want to keep you in suspense so I won't get into all of that now :)

But I will say, that I am incredibly happy. While it may be difficult to avoid huge drinking events, I may be jealous of people going crazy, and I may actually miss the taste of yummy drinks and nice wines...the pros of being sober FAR outweigh the pros of being drunk in my life. I have been able to realize who I am and what I want out of life without looking through the alcohol blurred lens, and I have been able to become myself and not need alcohol as a social crutch for my confidence and ability to be outgoing.

I am sad that I did not realize this sooner and I do apologize to all of the broken promises that I made about cutting back and never doing X, Y, and Z again. BUT I am SO glad that I made this decision for myself because it is never too late for a change...and I can only look at the past as a learning experience and maybe a way to help others like me. this awesome blog link to your favorites, check it daily or weekly, and give me any feedback you so desire! And as always, I will try to make it enjoyable and humorous, without all of the embarrassing stories (unless they happen sober which is highly likely!).

I love you all and appreciate the support :) Now lift your glass of water, soda, or O'Douls, and let's toast to 2010...the start of a new era in the life of a recovering trainwreck and newly established fabulous women.


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