(I believe I may have mentioned this notion before, so forgive me if this is a repeat blogs. But the odds that you have memorized my entries are very slim, so I should be okay haha)
Prior to my change/growth, if you will, I had a very "deal with me" mentality. I embraced who I was as a hardcore drinker, gossiper, emotional, and passive girl. Knowing that a good number of my qualities (most important being the drunk one) bothered a good many people in my life, I continued to stand by my "that is who I am, learn to deal with it" mentality. It seems strong and self assured. It seems like you are being intelligent by only wanting to surround yourself with people who can tolerate you and appreciate you, regardless of what negative/distructive behaviors you engage in. But in reality, all I was doing was rationalizing these behaviors. Knowing that my drinking negatively affected my friends and family forced me to (deep down) know that my behavior was not right. But saying F everyone else, this is me, and I am proud to be me, is a lot easier than trying to change. I think for a long time I forced myself to believe that this drunk girl was who I was, it was all I would be, and it was what I was good at. So protect myself and my pride, I created a tough girl image that was proud to be who I was, and assumed that if people really loved me, they would love me no matter what.
Yet, I changed and I am still me.
My point is that accepting change is okay. Dropping your guard, and allowing yourself to test out a new side of you, is okay. You will not lose yourself, and as long as you are doing it for yourself than you can maintain pride and self assurance throughout the change. I think more than anything, it is a mature way of thinking. At some point you realize (not everyone, but some people) that maybe their way of thinking or behaving isn't exactly correct, and maybe change wouldn't hurt. And I found out that being the real me, is a lot easier and less stressful than being the me that I thought I was and wanted to be for everyone else. I am not saying that everyone should think of something to change about themselves, because a lot of people have got it right already...I am saying, do not be afraid of it.
Sometimes we head down the wrong path and it is okay to turn around and change directions. You are still you. And as long as you carry your pride with all of your decisions, and make your life changes based on your own needs and wants...maybe you can keep the hard ass "deal with me" attitude, but for better reasons.
XOXO
Friday, October 8, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
You are your biggest critic
"You say your dropping 10 lbs preparing for summer, and you don't do it for the man, men never notice, you just do it for yourself, you're the fuckin coldest"- Drake
I love that line because it is so true. You are and always will be your biggest critic. Yes people will notice changes in you, but the small "imperfections" that you notice and critique will most likely never be noticed by anyone else. I realized that over the past 10 plus years I have looked in the mirror with doubt. I have looked in the mirror and thought of all the things I could and should change about myself, and ways that I could improve my appearance. I think that we are trained to use mirrors as ways of viewing imperfections instead of viewing beauty. If you think about it, why do you look in the mirror? To fix things, to fix make-up, to fix hair, to make sure something looks okay, to assess an outfit. Do you ever look in the mirror to admire yourself? I doubt it. To me, mirrors are so you can fix. Therefore each time I look in a mirror I think of something that needs to be fixed. I noticed myself doing this the other day, and thought- what a terrible mind set. What a depressing way to start my day. At the end of the day you are your biggest fan and your biggest critic...and when the world shuts you down, you need to have yourself on your side. So looking in a mirror and picking out imperfections with yourself is not the route to become the most supportive of you. So here is my challenge for you (and myself)...each time you look in the mirror, note three things that you think look good (one is not enough). This can be anything from a standard body feature (eyes, arms, etc) to a changing aspect of your appearance (the way you styled your hair, the way your legs look in the pants). It may seem silly but there is no possible way that this exercise could hurt you, it can only benefit you...so why not try.
If you go out into the world doubting yourself and dwelling on the small things that could be changed, the rest of the world will doubt you too. I may be alone on this, but using the mirror as a tool for admiration is a foreign concept to me but one that I am very interested in learning.
You're beautiful...and don't let yourself tell you otherwise :)
XOXO
I love that line because it is so true. You are and always will be your biggest critic. Yes people will notice changes in you, but the small "imperfections" that you notice and critique will most likely never be noticed by anyone else. I realized that over the past 10 plus years I have looked in the mirror with doubt. I have looked in the mirror and thought of all the things I could and should change about myself, and ways that I could improve my appearance. I think that we are trained to use mirrors as ways of viewing imperfections instead of viewing beauty. If you think about it, why do you look in the mirror? To fix things, to fix make-up, to fix hair, to make sure something looks okay, to assess an outfit. Do you ever look in the mirror to admire yourself? I doubt it. To me, mirrors are so you can fix. Therefore each time I look in a mirror I think of something that needs to be fixed. I noticed myself doing this the other day, and thought- what a terrible mind set. What a depressing way to start my day. At the end of the day you are your biggest fan and your biggest critic...and when the world shuts you down, you need to have yourself on your side. So looking in a mirror and picking out imperfections with yourself is not the route to become the most supportive of you. So here is my challenge for you (and myself)...each time you look in the mirror, note three things that you think look good (one is not enough). This can be anything from a standard body feature (eyes, arms, etc) to a changing aspect of your appearance (the way you styled your hair, the way your legs look in the pants). It may seem silly but there is no possible way that this exercise could hurt you, it can only benefit you...so why not try.
If you go out into the world doubting yourself and dwelling on the small things that could be changed, the rest of the world will doubt you too. I may be alone on this, but using the mirror as a tool for admiration is a foreign concept to me but one that I am very interested in learning.
You're beautiful...and don't let yourself tell you otherwise :)
XOXO
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