(my interpretation of Eat, Pray, Love....for any female who hasn't read that book, read it!)
So while reading Eat, Pray, Love, I realized I shared many of the same characteristics as the main character, mainly in my emotional connection/devotion when dating. When I date someone (whether they realize this or not) I tend to give my entire self to them, which may not necessarily be an awful thing but it is when you lose sight of yourself and your needs. And the issue isn't that I do it because I feel like I have to, the issue is I do it because I want to, because when I have a boyfriend, fulfilling their needs is more important than my own. Well...that is just no good...and it's incredibly exhausting. And prior to my boyfriends, I did this same thing with my friends...so rarely has my life been selfish and purely for my happiness.
Also, in the past couple months of being sober and in the past couple weeks of being single, I have realized the pleasure of living my life and fulfilling my needs. Soo...given those two realizations I have decided to begin a year of Me...a year of exercising, relaxing and doing.
Exercising for me is integral for my survival...no longer having anything to do with weight loss, it has to do with mental relaxation, feeling of accomplishment and overall well-being. So in August I have a triathlon, October a half marathon and a full marathon! So I plan to devote my time to training...properly and actually setting goals. (in another blog I discussed how I refuse to train or set goals because of a fear of failure). Then after the races are over, I'd like to focus on my kickboxing and actually work on fighting in the ring.
Relaxing is more of a reminder to me that I cannot please everyone and shouldn't please others while sacrificing myself. So I plan to relax when I want and not commit myself to everything when I do not necessarily feel up to doing it. I also have started to turn off my computer because I read that more women are checking facebook first thing in the morning and right before bed, and I refuse to continue to be that person. And lastly, I am trying not to carry my phone on me at all times so my attention can be focused on the people I am with or focused on myself when I want to be alone.
Doing has more to do with sobriety. As I have stated before, I want to do more things and find more hobbies unrelated to drinking activities. There are tons of things to do in DC so I'd like to venture out and explore (while keeping a healthy balance of exercising and relaxing).
Well no where in here does it say love, because I know myself. And I know that the second I seriously date someone, I will succumb to their world and put aside these goals that I have set for myself. And while that is not bad at all, and marriage takes compromises, and doing things for others is fulfilling, and all that...I think it would be very good for me to leave that element of life out for a while. Since college I have been dating and regularly bending over backwards for another person (training from DC to Bmore, driving from EC to Rockville, and being in a relationship since I moved to Arlington)...so I think this is a good decision.
Now, a key thing to making promises (much like committing to being sober)is not making it public because then if you fail you have more people to judge your failure. Sooo...do not criticize if I do not follow through with this for an entire year. BUT, I want to. And if I meet someone, then if hes a good person, he will wait.
That is all for now. Back to work :)
Hugs,
Blue
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