The Stages of Change

It is interesting (and probably telling/meant to be/stars aligning/etc) that most of my graduate studies have consisted of behavior change ideas, concepts and theories. In all of that work, however, you never learn how to change your own behavior (maybe it is an assumption that being in the field of public health you might practice what you preach...ha!)....but, I do think it has been quite interesting and informative to be able to see, first hand, how behavior change plays out and what struggles come about in the process....but I digress...

The actual point of this blog
I've noticed, over the course of this journey, some stages/mind sets that I have experienced along the way. I think the first month was easy (anyone can change a behavior for a month) and maybe my rationale for not drinking was more surface level. Then once I passed that three month mark I began to realize the benefits, the positive changes on my life, the changes in my personality, and really started to believe in my decision. And for about 5 months after that I strongly believed in my decision, received a TON of support from friends and family, and each day confirmed why I was abstaining from alcohol. Now, and for the past couple of months, I have continued to stick to my guns and have noticed that my thinking process has changed from being an internal process to being a comparative/external process. In other words, I have been comparing myself to others more, whereas before I felt confident and independent and successful and sort of unique (in a good way).

As I have mentioned before, humans rationalize their decisions to match with their actions. So since I have retired from drinking, I have had to change my view on alcohol to coincide with my behavior. Which I have been able to do quite successfully. Now, I believe, the issue is for me not to push these new found views on others. I have said before that a wise man once told me to remember that "just because I have a headache, doesn't mean the whole world needs to take an aspirin". Which I strongly believe. Just because I decided to quit drinking, in NO way, means that others need to do the same. BUT, I will say that keeping my mind in check on that notion is difficult. Think about it...if I have told myself that my sobriety is great, and I feel healthy, and I am no longer making stupid decisions, and I don't use it as a crutch to make life easier or relieve stress...then imagine how difficult it is to hold onto those feelings, AND not view others differently for going against them when I see those close to me drinking. I think on the positive side, I notice these thoughts (my questionable views about other people, my interpretations on their use of alcohol) as soon as they entire my mind, so I am able to refocus myself and realize that they are them and I am me and everyone is different...and to realize that I quit because alcohol was in no way, shape, or form benefiting my life....I didn't quit because I drank socially/healthfully and was able to control myself.

But I will say that I can see why behavior change for drug addicts, smokers, etc is very difficult when your social network are users. And while this might be somewhat of an exaggeration, everyone I know drinks...regardless of what level of drinking they engage in, bottom line is everyone does drink. So when doctors, social workers, therapists tell recovering drug addicts to remove themselves from the unhealthy environment and find different friends- that works for them....but for me to remove myself from an environment of alcohol use is basically impossible. And I don't really believe that anyone will understand this social and mental conflict until they have experienced it...but it is hard.

And I don't say this to make anyone uncomfortable...as always, this is my decision, my battle, and my life. And I want to continue to live and be social in this environment which will require me to work through this mental battle...and in the end (silver lining) make myself stronger. But I just wanted to share this interesting mental process I have been going through. Each day is different...full of different thoughts and views, different interactions with alcohol and sobriety, and different levels of affirmation and questioning of my decision.

Oh life...how you never cease to challenge me :)

XOXO

Maybe it's not just me?

As I sit here about to watch "What's Eating You?", an eating disorder special on E!, I can't help but think about my own issues. Recently I've realized that a large majority of my friends/peers in high school had eating "issues" (I call them "issues" because it sounds less like a mental health disorder, which is not generally socially accepted...). I can easily count 8 people close to me that dealt with some form of eating/body image issues growing up. This HAS to do with the culture we were brought up in. While we were growing up, so was Howard County (our home town). Howard County was growing to be more affluent and welcomed more upperclass individuals...which is all fine and dandy, until children start comparing themselves to one an other. Things such as wealth and possessions were sometimes out of the hands of teenagers; body, however, was not. Many people struggle with body images because they long to control something in their life, and this is that thing. I am starting to believe that the youth in Howard County struggle so much to control their popularity and their appearance/appeal to others, leading them to strive for the perfect body. Because these pivitol teenage years are full of comparing and modeling, girls can't help but compare and compete with others to work out more, eat less, weigh less, and wear smaller sizes. And yes, I understand that eating disorders are everywhere and Howard County isn't the only area that has a high population of girls suffering from this disorder....BUT, I think the pressure that is put on youth from this area to be the most popular...and the modeling that they see from their mothers and older sisters who are also competing for acceptance among their peers truly influences this issue.

Luckily, for the most part, the girls that I know with these issues have been able to move forward and be strong, gorgeous, successful women. But I have even heard people say that coming home generates those unhealthy behaviors/thoughts again. Which I can completely agree with...there is a fear that the people that knew you as being small will see you bigger and not approve or gossip about you...so that fear causes you to want to make sure you are as attractive and in shape as possible. It is really quite sad. It is sad that an area that is so affluent and breeds some highly intelligent and successful adults, can also pressure young adults to strive for perfection when it is completely unneccessary.

Anyways...my hope is that with time, education and societal changes that the next generation in this area won't be so focused on their appearance and perfection. Granted, that is probably impossible because kids will always compare themselves to each other...but I hope that the focus is not on body image. I hope that being active and healthy is the lifestyle that youth aspire to live. It is very interesting that an area that prides itself in having such a wonderful school system and producing such smart and successful kids, doesn't realize that it is also cultivating mental and behavioral health issues that carry on into adulthood.

Be happy. Love yourself...because, at the end of the day, you are the only one that matters.

XOXO
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